When I was eight years old my family went camping. I took along my first two–wheeler, a bike I loved. I felt independent and grown up when I rode it.
That passage was written in early 2013. Five years later it is even more profoundly true! I mean it's freaky to contemplate where I would have been and what I would have done had it not been for my friends and family to whom I reached out many, many times. Loving arms, smiling faces and beautiful voices were available when I needed them most BECAUSE I asked!
The lessons for me? We are in this together! None of us has to go it alone! Need assistance? Ask until you get what you need! THEN you have enough to give when someone need YOU!
She was on my mind when I woke up yesterday. Another year ending and beginning without Mom. “Close” does not aptly describe our relationship so when she passed in April of 2015 my whole world started to spin. It was as if my center of gravity was outside of me. Nothing made sense and everything made sense all at once. The pain I felt was equal to the Love we shared so freely throughout my life. She prepared me for this. She had no idea that, just by the way she showed up as Love, Mom prepared me for living a life without her.
How does one prepare others to live beyond them? Love. Deep, demonstrative, enthusiastic, fully supportive LOVE. I know what it feels like to be loved like that, thanks to Mom. So when my yesterday began with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction, I knew she had been with me. Let me explain. The last two holidays since her transition have been nothing short of depressing. My downward spiral began at Thanksgiving. Daddy’s crossing in 2016 made the emptiness even more vast.
This year I was determined to find a way to stay at least peaceful if not content. I surrounded myself with friends and music. I went Christmas caroling 9 times with my favorite peeps! I went through our home and rediscovered treasures once loved that I got to pass on to very grateful recipients. Going through some books I swear it was Mom who directed me on which to give and to whom! One of my newest friends mentioned a dream of getting an auto harp for herself for Christmas. Mom came to mind immediately and I understood I was to give the one I inherited from her to my new friend! The holidays were filled to the brim with Love, Song and Sharing; very little was missing!
The realization that overtook me in the wee hours of the morning was that I had recreated for myself a cocoon of loving friendship, a community of song that filled just about every space left empty by Mommy when she left her body. I was indeed deeply loved, held in high esteem, blessed and nurtured. I thought about all my beloveds here in Bloomington and across the country who love me. I am surrounded by love. Always.
That’s how my New Year began! Every Tuesday, friends gather now to sing with me and string beads for meditation and relaxation. I was organizing beads and singing loudly. I must’ve been in the zone because there was a knock at the door and in walked Mommy! It was as real as it could be. I stood there, stunned and immediately started to cry as we embraced, hugged and kissed and kissed and hugged. She loved to take my face in her warm hands and plant kisses in every kissable spot. We spent what felt like 15 minutes in love. It was only a few seconds.
When she had gone, I had to share! I told the people who had come to sing and string about who had just shown up to surprise me. I mean, her face was so vivid! That expression of “Oh boy! I really surprised you good!” Was all over her face! I can hardly imagine what I must’ve looked like seeing her! This was only the second time since her passing that I've seen her this clearly.
The first/last time was in June when her kitty, Sugar, who I inherited, was dying. Mom's excited expression came through when we were on our way to the vet. She was going to be with Sugar again and was thrilled! I heard myself say out loud, “Curb your enthusiasm Mother! I’m not too happy about this!” But then I realized, Holy Shift! I was talking to my mom!! How could I grieve losing Sugar??
If the first two days of 2018 are any indication of how rest of the year will flow, bring it on!! I’m ready! And Thank you Mommy! I Love You!
New Thought Advocate and well-known musician and workshop facilitator, Lauren Lane Powell, discovered she had Stage 3C Ovarian Cancer in the prime of her life. She offers wisdom gained from a lifetime of learning to live in love.
"We met on www.blogtalkradio.com/ ggmradio, on my show Namaste Nutrition. Lauren,you are such a wonderful inspiration, and to this day remain one of my favorite radio guests. Your magic, ethereal beauty, and journey was such an inspiration to me and to my audience."
-- Host of radio show “Namaste Nutrition”
Sign up and receive an invitation to my