When I was eight years old my family went camping. I took along my first two–wheeler, a bike I loved. I felt independent and grown up when I rode it.

On an errand, I peddled down the hill to the camp store for a bag of ice. The ice fit into my basket, but proved too heavy for my young body to ferry up the hill. I kept falling over on my way to the campsite. With bloodied knees and elbows, I was in hysterics by the time I reached the top of the hill. I said aloud through my tearstained mouth, “I’m not a big girl! I can’t do it by myself!”

Something inside me snapped and said, “Watch me! I can do it big–by–self! I don’t need anybody!” That single shift colored the rest of my life. While being self–sufficient and independent have served me well many times, my “big–by–self” idea often stood in my way of receiving assistance of any kind--until recently. My new mantra is, “I am open to receive.”

A large part of my inner work in 2010 and 2011 was wrapped around this big–by–self stuff. I’ve worked on this many times before, and it still bubbles up from deeper and deeper layers. In January of 2010, I asked my dad for help to organize my paperwork, computer, billing system, etc. The same day, I asked for my stepmother’s help in drawing ”Behold the Face of God” on the tops of mirrors I was using in my Forgiveness Workshops. She added beautiful designs around the rim of the mirrors. They are lovely!

I realized again how damned uncomfortable it felt to ask for help, but the more I practiced, the easier I asked. The discomfort was worth recognizing and honoring. In a meditation, I saw that when I asked for help as a child, I often did not get it, and the consequences were scary. So asking for help equalled fear at some level. Driving home from Florida, I loved and reassured that frightened little girl. I told her that it’s safe now to ask for and accept help. 

I include this story (in the book) because, for the last two years, I have been consciously working on opening myself to ask for help and allowing myself to receive assistance. If I had been diagnosed before this self–exploration, I may not have been in the place to accept the right help during my healing. I may not have chosen to accept allopathic medicine. I might have chosen to keep it all very private and try to heal myself by myself (big–by–self). I’ve been in humility boot camp for two years for a reason!

Now I choose to use everything available to me for my healing.

​Lauren Lane Powell from Holy Shift! Everything's a Gift!
http://www.holyshifteverythingsagift.com/store/c2/Books.html